My Journey to Healing; The healing Journey continues

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.
— Brené Brown from "The Gifts of Imperfection"

I have been on this amazing healing journey coming up on 10 years this April 2017! It hasn't all been easy, and sometimes I have wondered if I could face such healing from my past - but I pushed through the wonderment of "I don't think I can " to "I know I can"

The photo above is a photo of my therapy room, the room I stepped into coming up on 10 years this Apriland began my healing journey with an amazing therapist who has guided me into the life I never thought I could live.

10 years ago I began this journey with one foot out the door out of fear, and today I claim this room as the place of my healing and the place that has changed my life, and has healed so many open wounds.

I have sat in every chair in this room – made my way around the room in anger, tears, laughter, joy, excitement and many other feelings and emotions that I have had through the years!

The room has seen and heard it all. This room is where I feel the most open, and this room holds so many secrets that I had to hold onto for so long! I feel such comfort in this room, and it took a long time to finally find a place I could trust.

My therapist and I sometimes look back and talk about that first connection we made - when we played phone tag for 2 days until finally we connected .... we talk about the journey thus far, and we talk in awe of how far we have come, and the journey we have taken together, and the work we look forward to as I continue to take steps into my healing path.

I couldn’t be any more blessed to have an amazing therapist who I trust with every being in my soul. He has helped me take one brick out at a time from the walls that were built so high around me 10 years ago, and today the only part of the wall that remains are the small bricks I take out, and put back when needed as I work through different levels of healing.

10 years ago I walked into this room not knowing what the journey held ahead. Not knowing how long this journey would take, or the painful work it would take to remove each brick from the wall as I talked about my past, my story and the painful truth I held onto for so long.

10 years ago I walked into this room and met my amazing therapist Andy who has helped, guided, supported, loved and cared for me, my story, my truth and the wounds that I exposed.

I never knew how much work, how much pain it would be to walk this journey of healing. But I also didn’t know about the healing and the joy that would come from it. It has been quite a journey.

I thought 10 years ago that I would go to this therapist and talk about my past – he would tell me what I needed to do – give me some tips to help me move through my every day struggles – work through those struggles – and I would be healed! – – – – Not even close!

Never did I realize or imagine that I would be sitting here 10 years later writing about how much therapy has changed my life, and how much work I have done to emerge from the past and pain I went through my whole childhood.

I never imagined I would be feeling and being a completely different person than I was when I began.

When I was 5 years old, I would sit in the closet for hours and hours and pray to God that I would have someone to talk to about the pain and abuse I was going through, and how scared I was! It took 35+ years later, but God still showed up in that prayer, and created this healing path before me.

In these 10 years I have learned so much about myself, and why I go through the things I go through. I have learned so much of why certain things create in me anxiety and fear, and what story is behind those fears. I understand so much more of what I go through on an every day basis and why – answers I never had my whole life up until now.

The one thing that I have learned the most on this journey is, your story needs to be told many different times, not just one time. you need to tell your story as many times as It takes.

I have revisited my past and my story many different times from many different levels of healing,  and each time I learn something new, and heal a different way. It’s a process, and each process and step is different, and so important. What I talked about 3 years ago, 4 years ago, or even 8 years ago may not have the same understanding as it does now. Healing is truly a process.

There were hard times on this journey as well. There were times I wanted to quit and give up because of how hard and painful it was. My work with my therapist has had its challenges over the years, but he never gave up on me, and I never gave up on him and our work. I am truly blessed for this journey that continues, and for my wonderful therapist who I look up to admire.

I have also learned that, healing is a process, not a time-table. I don’t look at “when this journey will end in therapy” –  I look at where it has taken me thus far as I take new steps into my life in ways I have never lived before, and how therapy and the process has helped me with that.

I have gone through some really really hard times these past couple of years to where I almost built the brick wall back up around me out of fear – but my therapist and I have really worked hard on not letting that happen, and continue working hard to build trust and connection – not a wall.

So my path continues . . . . I continue to grow, and learn, and yes even have times that I still unfold pain that comes at different levels of healing.. but I embrace it now knowing it continues to take me in the very places I need to be in – painful and hard at times, but so much hope on the other side of that.

Thank you for taking this journey with me thus far as I continue to take steps on the path God has put in front of me. I love the connections I have made with others, helping others to see you are not alone on this journey – your voice matters, your healing matters!

I am on a journey, a journey to healing!