five minute friday {in between}

Anna-in-Between-850x460Welcome to five minute Friday to where us bloggers are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing. No editing or backtracking. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Today’s Five minute Friday word is {In Between}

Start

I have lived my life in between since I was a child. In between is safe, in between holds no decision but to just be right where I am - but it also comes with its curses.

The in between holds a safe barrier between decisions, thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Should I speak, or shouldn't I? Should I talk about it, or shouldn't I? Do I cry, or don't I cry? Do I reach out for connection, or don't I connect? Do I do this, or do I do that? Is this way safe, or is that way safe?

My whole life has been this constant see-saw right in the "in between" and it's both frustrating and safe (you see, between both things). It's a blessing and a curse.

A part of my healing has been about choosing the right or left, and leaving the in between for a place to rest and settle in the hard work of healing. I have learned to say yes to one thing and no to another instead of just staying in-between and settling.

When I want to reach out to someone and connect, I choose to, and take the risk. When I don't feel good about reaching out, I don't. There is no in between anymore like it used to be.

6 years of therapy has taught me to take a risk, do what it is I need, and talk about the fears surrounding that.

When I feel the need to write an email to my therapist or support, I don't sit here and say what if, maybe not, maybe yes maybe no.. if I want to do it, I do it, and then I talk about how it feared me, or how it made me happy. If I have emotions, I don't sit in the middle anymore, I allow myself the emotions and then I learn to put them away when I need to put them away instead of swallowing them in the "in between"

The in between used to be a hard place for me, but now the in-between is more of a place of resting rather a place of suffering in decisions, emotions, or actions.

I never thought I would say this but I am loving the in between place now, because I know I can make the choice to move out of it anytime I need to and still feel safe enough to do so

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