slowing down

tumblr_mfuiitKsdL1qa63pso1_1280Ugh! One of the things I hate hearing in therapy from my therapist is "slow down" or "we need to slow down" or "slow down and breathe" or "we need to take this slow". I don't want to slow down.. I want to move and be and work hard, heal, do this do that NOW! right NOW!

I always used to say to my therapist "slow down? easy for you to say, are you the one in pain? if you were working hard through gut wrenching emotions would YOU want to slow down in that?"

But then I learned what he meant. I learned how much healing can be made in the process of slowing down, and that it didn't mean stop, or sit - it meant take time for me, love me, honor me.

My life has been anything but slow. I live in the fast lane and I almost always have something going on. Whether I am in the car, driving here to there, errands, appointments and the list goes on and on.

I have learned a lot about slowing down in the past year. I didn't have a choice but to slow down. My heart was giving me troubles again, and I realized I was doing too much. I was putting myself in a routine that was outweighing my ability to just be, and rest was far and in between.

I like being busy, it keeps me from thinking too much. When I am moving and on the go, my mind doesn't have time to stop and think - or stop and be, and sometimes when still, thoughts and feelings come to the surface that I sometimes don't want to be with, or honor.

Life and healing is about slowing down, and I need to honor that; especially now.

As most of you know, I am working on a book with an editor. I have already written 2 chapters that were sent off, and I have 14 to go. I have a grueling schedule of writing as we are shooting for publishing in september. Between my therapy sessions during the week, life being on the go, and making time for me, I need to slow down a little.

I have decided that I am going to write only twice a week on the blog vs the 4 days a week I usually write. I need to make some space for my book, and for my healing.. but I also find this place on my blog to be a place to come and open to, and I find this place to be my place to be me, and I don't want to discount that.

At the same time, I want to honor my time. So with that being said, I have decided that I am going to write on Tuesday and Thursdays with the occasional weekend if I have time, or if I truly want to reach out and write.

I am excited about this book, and really need to focus on my writing schedule, as well as the hard work I am doing in therapy along side of the book. Summer is here and I plan to vacation at the beach for a week in July, and I need to put myself under the big ol sky a couple of days a week.

SO be on the lookout for my blog to be updated Tuesdays and Thursday and I look forward to taking you all along with me on this wonderful journey I am on ... into my writing the book, to the wonderful healing work I am doing in therapy.

I think with a structured schedule I will find more time for me, and I look forward to what this will bring me along the way.

Writing this book is a lot harder than I thought and takes quite a bit of discipline and a lot of emotions. I am blessed I have support along side of this, from my wonderful therapist, my family and friends and my editor.

We are incorporating my healing in therapy, to parts of the book and so while I am writing, I am healing things that we never touched before. It's pretty big, but I have a great therapist who knows how to "SLOW" me down and be in the process so that I heal, not just learn and write.

I cannot wait to make this dream into something I can hold in my hands, and with that comes a little slowing down in my life to make that happen.