Today after I left session I went and sat in adoration at church for an hour. Adoration in the Catholic Church is perpetual eucharist of the blessed sacrament. The bread of Christ is open and held inside what is called a "monstrance" which in Latin means 'to show or to expose'.
The Eucharist sits on a table (like photo on the left) in the chapel and it holds the body of Christ and people go in the chapel and spend an hour just praying, reading, or just sit and listen to what God has to say to you.
It's not an easy thing to do, it's almost close to meditating. You are silencing your inner thoughts to allow Gods voice show up in you. It's one on one time with God; your time with God as he looks right at you and honors your presence.
It's a beautiful thing. Its one of the things I love the most about the Catholic Church, it's available anytime I need it. On Saturdays they move the blessed sacrament into the sanctuary to where it's put inside the tabernacle getting ready for Mass, and then it returns to the chapel on Monday morning.
They have guardians in the chapel during adoration .. no one ever leaves the blessed sacrement alone, God always has people in his presence. Every hour a new guardian comes in and sits with it, and people pass it off every hour on the hour.
It took me a long time to be able to sit in adoration for more than 15 minutes. For me, silence and time is an opening for triggers or bad thoughts. I am the type of person who is always on the go, busy, and needs to keep my mind going in other directions, because the moment I stop, it allows space for other things to creep in.
I have tried meditating in the past, but it always kicked up triggers for me, so I was never able to. Adoration is a little like meditating, but yet it's different, it feels safer being in the eyes of God.
Today I sat for the first time in front of the perpetual eucharist in adoration for a full hour and I was pretty proud of myself. I sat with my journal book, my rosaries and I wrote a letter to God. It was the most moving things I have ever done.
I sat and wrote "Dear God" ... I poured my heart out and it was so moving for me. I had tears, I cried, and I felt emotions - it was uplifting and refreshing.
When I left I felt lifted and so much goodness around me. I texted my Therapist and told him I just had spent an hour in adoration, and he kept saying how proud he was of me for going and doing that - he knows I struggle with time and silence, and it was also a big deal because I have found struggle in going to church as of lately.. this was big movement for me today - huge!
I made room in my heart for so much goodness - another step out of the stuck. I let out the bad and let in the good.
My hour spent with God today was healing and I can't think of anything better than spending a whole hour with God, just listening deep within, and having him listen to you.
I have a feeling this may be something I do more of .. maybe this is yet another step needed on the great path forward I am on.