Friday before the weekend my therapist and I played a game in session. It was a "memory" game made up of index cards to where I wrote very powerful words like (connection) (faith) (trust) (I hear you) (expectations) and (affirmation). We sat together on the couch, pulled the chair up to our knees and laid the cards out faced down. When one person made a match we would talk about that word in reference to each other. It was a "reconnecting" game to not my past, not the hard work I do in healing, not to life in general, but a reconnection to each other.
This has been a hard hard year of working through many things that pulled us out in many different directions and although we were always connected, we got lost in the shuffle of true connection - 2 people who work so hard together and have a great bond in therapy.
My therapist is so good at bringing things back in perspective when things have gone astray for a while. Sometimes when you work so hard together on something so incredibly difficult like last year was, you tend to pull away a little and the best way to come back together is by connection.
This game was a great way to reconnect and get to know where we are. It was fun seeing each other get excited about making a match, because the winner with the most matches got to pick what the next session would look like - whether it be asking questions, writing on paper like we sometimes so, talking about something specific, or whatever it was that we would like to see happen in the work on the next session.
Well . . . . . I WON! .. I pretty much kicked his butt .. but in reality we both won, because we both got to re-connect to each other and the work going forward.
I feel we both won because we talked about connection and how that has played a huge role in my healing journey. We talked about expectations, and what we would both like to see from each other continuing the work going forward. We talked about faith and how much God has entered into a part of this journey. We affirmed each other and our work together and how much we really do care for each other... and the best - we heard each other, and it was a great connecting piece.
We had so much fun! There was laughter and snickering and he even shouted out when he made a match and that made me chuckle to see that side of him. It was nice re-getting to know someone I have ben working hard with for almost 6 years now. I had fun letting my self be a little more open to do something different other than work on HARD HARD healing.. and I came to realize that healing is not only found in the hard, but it can also be found in the fun.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable to the questions on the cards, and to open myself to be seen doing something other than working hard through my voice.
I walked back into session today after the weekend and I chuckled a little inside remembering the game we just played Friday on the chair and how different that was for me. I am usually serious, a hard worker, very quiet and gentle.. I am not the robust kind of person who pushes up my sleeves to get down into a game of "memory" with my therapist.. lol it was actually fun and I am glad I allowed myself that re-connection.
I feel blessed to have wonderful people in my life-like my therapist who help me to see where the healing path lines are when I feel a little lost at times. Last Friday was a good reminder of where those lines are, and the people in my life are so wonderful to remind me that it's okay to accept that.
I look forward to this re-connection that we made.. and I look forward to seeing what this path going forward looks like. I know its hard work, I know it's painful to work with, I know there are a lot of things I need to face in order to move through the many things that still struggle me down - but the core of healing is connection, and I feel connected - more so than I have in a long time.