It's not easy to let go of something; especially when I feel so strongly about my convictions!
It took me years of therapy and a lot of work to learn how to stand to something that is right and true when I have been wronged or hurt.
I never knew how to stand up for my rights, or to anyone in my life before. I never knew how to allow myself anger when I felt anger. I never knew how to allow myself emotions when something has hurt me- and I did!
Learning how to own all of these things is just as hard as letting it go. It's learning that it's not a step back, it's a step forward.
Learning how to let go of something once we grab a hold of it is extremely hard, because we want so much to keep standing in that empowerment - but there is a time to when you have to let go in the truth you stand by and let that be enough.
Today in session I allowed myself to let go of something and realized how much room it made for something else. When I allowed myself to let go of what has been holding me down for a year, there was something beautiful on the other side - a path in front of me, and a hand to hold, and ears to hear.
My therapist said "lets go! lets go down the path together, all you have to do is accept" .. and I realized in order to take his hand and go down the path that is made for me and my healing - I needed to let go of what's been sitting me down.
It took a while to understand the beauty of just letting go"
My therapist and I took a small walk on that new path today, and I found how more open I was to hear, feel, and be. I found myself having tears that came out of nowhere and for the first time in almost a year, the tears were around understanding and meaning vs something that just didn't make sense.
Just as hard as it was to learn to own my feelings, it was just as hard to know when to let go of the things that need letting go of. When you have done all you can do and you are standing in that truth, sometimes you just have to let that be enough.
Let it be enough that you have people who support you and love you. Let it be enough that the things that don't have an answer - don't need an answer, it just needs letting go. Once I was able to see that, it became clearer, I became open, and even felt lighter in my self.
I have also learned that letting go doesn't mean you have given up, it doesn't mean it holds any less meaning, or change any of the truth - it just means that that it's enough to be where you are, an to let it go - and I have.
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” Ann Landers
So today I took a path not into the unknown, but a path to what I do know; a path I have always known and been on - but I just got a little lost for a while.
I came home from session today, kicked off my shoes, threw my hair up, put on some jeans and a sweater and plopped myself on the couch and decided that in this letting go, there is also time for me. I have sat here now for 3 hours doing nothing but allowing myself to be open for new things (even giving myself time when I need time to just be).
I am so grateful that my therapist held out his hand today and said "lets just GO, lets go down the path" .. I just needed to accept it - and I did!