I have spent the past year, the past couple of months, the past couple of weeks being so angry, hurt and frustrated around something that that I let have power over me; but deep inside came to realize had no power over me - I just didn't see it.
Today in session my therapist made me realize something and it changed me.
The power of his words changed me so much that I took a deep breath in of empowerment, held it for a few moments and then I let the breath out and it felt good!
It changed me so much that I realized I am the change, and I can't change something that won't, and I certainly can't sit around trying to find answers to something that just. doesn't. make. sense.
I dont know why this past year happened, I dont have the answers, I dont have the reason, I dont have the understanding, but what I do have is the power to heal and move forward. I have the power to change ME inside and move away from the hardness this year brought to me.
My therapist has cleared a safe path for me, and all I need to do is accept it. On that path is love, support, connection, and all the people who walk along side of me; the same people who walked along side of even with the cracks in the path.
I finally feel that this long year battle has come to an end, and it's not because I found understanding, or a reason, or any answers, it's because I choose to turn around and just accepted that I can't change something or someone; but I can change me.
I have the choice to turn and walk away. I took a stand and stood up for myself and it stopped, and my therapist made me realize THAT is empowerment. My husband made me realze THAT is empowerment. My friends helped me to see THAT is empowerment - not the answers.
I don't have to look for the understanding or the reasons why anymore. I don't have to have the ansews, all I need to faith in myself, my truth, and knowing the clear path in front of me.
I have the ability to finally be free to writing in my blog the way I used to.
I love showing up to therapy knowing the path my therapist laid in front of me is safe and filled with connection and support.
I am surrounded by people who believe in me, have faith in me, and see the hardness this year has been for me and held out there arms for a hug and a hand for support.
I like knowing that even though I may never have the answers to why this happened; that maybe I made some kind of difference in fighting for myself vs the past when I sat in silence to my pain.
I look forward to bringing this blog in a new direction that is healing for ME and not around something I dont understand.
And - I love sitting here knowing that today my therapist made a difference in something so huge, and made me see something I didn't see past this hardness, and there is freedom in that - FINALLY.