five minute friday {bare}

downloadWelcome to five minute Friday to where us bloggers are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing. No editing or backtracking. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Today’s Five minute Friday word is {BARE}

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When I began therapy 6 years ago, I never thought there would be a process to become "bare" in order to heal.

Never did I think it would be so incredibly hard to tear down walls that surrounded me; walls that kept in the lies and fear that if I spoke how I felt, or spoke the truth, there would be endless consequences, endless pain, endless shame and guilt.

I spent years tearing down those walls, and I am finding that there were walls behind the walls, that is how deep my pain is.

I found out recently that the wounds go deeper than I could ever imagine, and there will have to be a process of "bare" to get to them.

I have come to realize in the past couple of months that I had walls built around walls, and there is something big that came to the surface, and I know I will have to bare the walls to honor its presence.

Sometimes it feels impossible to move through. There were times  in the past that I wanted to run home and crawl under a rock after a session because I had no idea how horrible it felt to be bare to all these emotions that I kept to myself for years and years.

What I have learned in the years of healing is that sometimes you need to bare the old, in order to become a-new. I have to become bare to myself, in order to fully accept me and who I am underneath all the pain.

It's like opening up old wounds and letting it bleed, and finding a way to heal it more gently. It's like re-breaking a bone so that it can heal correctly - it hurts like hell, but there is healing somewhere inside, there is a process of coming together inside ... that is what my healing journey has been about - and still going forward.

Thinking back to when I first started to heal and come forward, being bare was horrible, fearful, and sent me into a spiral of emotions I couldn't handle (or thought I couldn't handle), but as time went on, and I learned to go behind the walls and face it - being bare was more of a healing vs a fear.

Today I am learning more and more that when I allow myself to be bare to my emotions, that is where the TRUE healing happens.

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