The past couple of weeks have been hard for me because I am getting ready to walk towards something that is big and hard - taking a stand for myself which is something I never did as a child, teen or adult. I am about to move through something that is hard in the coming week, and although I have my therapist and support along side of me, it's been weighing heavily on my mind, heart and soul.
I have been under a lot of stress, anger and sadness and for me that is hard to even admit. You can ask anyone who knows me and they would say that I am a content and hopeful person.
I find the goodness in every hard corner. I have a positive attitude towards life and my healing and don't let the drudges of the hard weigh me down. I am not the type of person who sits in the hard for too long, I like to get up, fight and work hard through my healing to find the light in every corner, no matter how hard to find.
What I am getting ready to face is hard, and will be hard - but yet empowering.
The one thing that doesn't change no matter how hard of a time I am having is the love, care and support around me. I am loved, supported and cared for. I have connection all around me; all I need to do is accept it.
My therapist reminds me all the time "no matter how hard, theres no leaning out, we are a team, you have my support right here through this".
It's comforting to know that I am protected, supported and loved through the harder times, but it's also a struggle to fight with the old messages to accept that. I am so used to dealing with things on my own, that it's a struggle to accept the love around me; especially when I am struggling.
I also have the support from family and close close friends who also know what difficulties I have been facing in the past couple of months. A situation that has gone on too long, and I am ready to face it to find peace on the other side of it.
I know that I am being cryptic and a little between the lines - but I wont be cryptic for long. In time I will share with you all the struggles I have faced, and the empowerment I am moving into through this.
The one thing I promised myself years ago when I started this blog was that I was going to be open and honest to my feelings and to those I connect around me. I haven't lost sight of that.
Today I found some peace and solitude. Today I had a beautiful day.. today I found connection by disconnecting.
I took a day trip to "The Monastery of The Holy Spirit" in Conyers Ga with my husband and some good friends. This was my 2nd trip down here, and it was even better than the first.
I can't think of a better place to be when you need to go and be in silence within yourself - (the good kind of silence) not the kind of silence that is forced. This place is quiet, peaceful, holy, beautiful, breathtaking, rejuvenating and so much more!
As we were driving down there this morning I got a text from my therapist reminding me to breathe, to accept the support, to find some peace in my heart this weekend and to stay connected. Reading his words reminded me of the support and connection that surrounds me, but that I can also go to a place where I can disconnect, but yet stay connected.
The monastery is absolutely the most beautiful place to disconnect and connect. They have a beautiful bookstore and museum. I bought myself a new rosary and had it blessed by Father Anthony (one of the monks that roam the grounds). I took photos, I walked by the lake, I sat in the church, I had some lunch, and the best part, I could think clearly and allow myself to disconnect from the hard, and connect with the good.
I spent a good portion of the day there and left feeling refreshed and recharged. I felt God moved through me and gave me more strength to face the hard I am about to face, and that gave me some much needed alone time.
I am ready to face what I need to face more so now than I ever have and I have confidence that when moving through something hard, there is always something good at the other end.
This hardness will create a bigger voice, bigger courage and more peace inside of me. I look forward to sharing this with you all when the time is right.
Just know, I am okay, my family is okay, my healing and therapy is VERY much okay, and I will be okay... just some hard steps needed to get back to a place I was at before I got lost.
Today was a beautiful day, and I am so glad that I took the time I needed to "disconnect" to "connect".
* The photo above was taken at the monastery today, this church is absolutely beautiful *