and this is just how I feel . . . .

Today, I am sad - just sad. It's one of those days that tears find me no matter where I am, and it's just an emotion that is here today. I don't think I have ever allowed myself to write on my blog when I am sad, or having a hard time.

I normally write when I am filled with optimism, or when I have worked through something hard that I want to share with everyone. I hardly share my hardness, my tears or my sadness with anyone, especially those who may look up to my strength - and today is a first.

I like to write when I am strong, and have a good sense of what is around me - but today, I am sad, and it's just a sad day and my heart feels heavy, and I am writing about it, and maybe that is okay.

It wasn't anything in particular that made me sad. I wasn't triggered into feeling sad, or had a memory that made me sad.

It wasn't anything that happened in my healing in therapy, in fact everything is going really wonderful in therapy between me and my therapist, and I am looking forward to the work we are doing on this new path.

It's nothing here at home, my kids and husband are great, it's just one of those days that I find myself sad and teary.

Normally, I wouldn't allow myself to be in this emotion long enough for it to be okay; I would find ways to move out of it as quick as I could by working harder, or coming up with more wisdom on how to find the answer around it.

I normally would find something wisdom filled to write about on this blog to help OTHERS which always makes me feel better, but today, I am the one sad, and for once I don't have an answer, but instead to just BE.

Maybe I dont need to know why, maybe I just need to honor what is here, and know I am supported, loved and cared for by all my support and it's okay to have a day where I am just sad!

I work extremely hard in my healing everyday! I am filled with optimism and constantly find ways to find empowerment over my struggles; but yet I never allow myself to be in the emotions that come along in that hard work.

So today I will sit here and allow myself to be sad. I will talk to my support when we connect by phone later, I will connect with my husband and kids and tell them "hey, mom is having a hard day and I dont have the strength to be the strong mom or wife today"

Maybe I will write about it like I am now.

Maybe I will maybe make myself a hot cup of cocoa; maybe even cuddle on the couch later and allow myself to rest.

Today I am not going to force myself out of the emotions like I normally would do - instead I will honor it and know that I can talk about it when and if I need to, and that no matter if I am feeling weak or strong, I am loved and care for and still connected to all those around me.