One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn this year was learning the difference between enduring, and walking away from something that hurts. Sometimes when we get get caught in the "emotional quicksand" of life we try and pull ourselves out of it as quick as we can out of fear or panic.
We fight and fight it, we throw ourselves around trying to find the quickest result to fix something, and yet those are the times we get pulled in the most.
I feel this year has been one of the biggest lessons for me around that. I have had to endure many things that left me fighting, kicking and screaming for a result, and finding it was making it worse. I have let things pull me under, and instead of understanding it, I fought it so hard and it still was a struggle.
I read this article the other day about what to do when you are "emotionally stuck", and this paragraph hit me and made so much sense:
When you feel “stuck,” the first thing you want to do is struggle. Flailing about, throwing your weight around, trying harder and harder, pushing against the resistance you feel. Only these things don’t get you unstuck. In fact, they tend to make you sink deeper into whatever problem you are trying to solve.
The past couple of months I have had to learn to take a step back and just let whatever is happening around me, happen. My therapist and I are working hard by honoring what part of the past makes me feel the resistance to what is going on in the background today, and Instead of running from it, or scrambling around trying to find a result - right now - I am really trying to honor why and what is here.
I do believe that sometimes when we push too hard to figure something out, it makes the situation worse. Sometimes we look for answers in things that just don't have an answer, and we spend so much energy and heartache on something that just wasn't there - or in my case, someone you don't have control over, or their actions.
I have let someone take me under this year and instead of trying to "stop it" or "figure out why" .. I have had to go back into my past and figure out why it hurts, why it digs so deep into my soul.. because THAT is where is answer is, not trying to stop something that I have no control over.
I am the the type of person that when something doesn't feel right, I need to make it right "RIGHT NOW!" .. I can't handle it if something just isn't resolved because I hate sitting in the pain (I did that my whole life and I know how bad it feels) - but believe it or not, I have gotten incredibly good at sitting with it, honoring it, and better yet trusting that I will figure it out when the time is right.
I think connection plays a huge part in that. I think if you feel connected to yourself and to others, the harder things we go through hold it's own trust in knowing that you will find a way to move through the "emotional quicksand" instead of scrambling as fast as you can to find a way out of the hurt and pain it's causing.
So although this year I have been stuck in a situation that I just don't have answers to, or control over - I am sitting here with it and learning from why it hurts me, why it has created me to feel stuck, and where is my empowerment in this to move out of it safely and carefully.
I don't have the answers and I don't think I ever will, and that is okay, because I do have choices.
I have the choice to stay connected to my support, to my therapist who really has helped me through this. To my husband who has really stepped up to support me. To my friends who love me and care about me. To God who never fails me when things get tough.
So instead of letting it take me under, I will continue to work through it until I slowly become "unstuck". I will continue to grab the hands of my support during the times it feels a little tougher to move out of and through.
I am reminded all the time "we can talk about anything" and as I have learned very much over the years "talking about it and giving it voice is what sets us free from it".
Connection is powerful, but only if we accept it, and not run from it in a panic when we are emotionally sucked in and stuck.