My birthday is coming up this Wednesday and I am embracing this day in a whole different way this year. I never liked my birthday, in fact I despised it! I treated it just like any other day, and in fact felt very depressed on this day, and just smiled along the way to make it through the day!
My Birthday was always filled with many dissapointments, and feelings of unworthiness, isolation and anger I felt about myself.
This year it's not so much about celebrating my birthday; but more so celebrating a new year to come going forward.
This year is about loving who I am, and loving who I am becoming out of this. It's not about sitting here and putting myself down, feeling unworthy, criticizing myself, or making myself believe I am not even worthy on my own birthday. This year I am embracing who I am, where I have been, where I am going, and accepting it.
I dont want gifts, I dont want the big fuss of birthday parties - my idea of celebrating me is being around those who I love. Being around the people who hold me up on the days I have a hard time believing I am worthy.
Spend time with my husband and my boys at dinner. Going out next weekend for a girls night out being around those who truly love me for me, and who I love dearly for accepting me for who I am.
Normally on my birthday I would not go into therapy (who wants to work hard in therapy on their birthday) - but this year I am taking a new approach, I am actually going to therapy on my birthday, and I will celebrate me an my healing, and share it with someone who has helped me to see that "I am important" and this day is about just that - being worthy of my being, and being worthy of this journey I am on - a journey to heal.
It has taken me a long long time to see that worth, and I thank the process of therapy and a great therapist to help me see who I am, and how far I have come. Maybe I will even bring in a cupcake with a candle into therapy and celebrate the movement of me, and making a mark on new things to come for me.
I have a feeling it's going to be a different day for me. It's not about being showered with gifts - but showered with connection around those who truly make me feel connected.
I can't wait to have dinner with my husband and boys! I cannot wait to have that girls night out next weekend with all my dear friends! I cannot wait to have a yummy cake after being on a clean eating diet for a month! I cannot wait to celebrate my birthday in my healing place and embrace who I am moving towards.
It's going to be a great day Wednesday, and for the first time - I am looking forward to it.