I never thought I would utter those words "I am important" .. but those words echoed in session today, and before I knew it, my therapist jumped off the couch in excitement and grabbed my hand to dance followed by the biggest hug I think I have ever gotten in my life! His words were "those are the words I want you to believe". My therapist had some tears going on in his eyes, and it was then I realized "this is pretty big". 5+ years of therapy I have never truly said those words out loud "I am important", I never believed it.
I always had this reservation or excuse as to why I have to handle things on my own like -"it's my job to take care of myself" "because this is all I know", "I am not important enough for others to help me through this" "I am not important enough for someone to go through a hard time for me" - today I believed, and today I said that I was important enough.
We are working through something right now, a certain "situation" on the outside that has been on and off again for months now, and we both have worked hard to figure out what to do with this, and with lots of work, connection, trust and faith, I think God is finally putting it together - we BOTH finally put it together.
I just sat here and chuckled for a minute thinking about the "dance" that happened in session a couple of hours ago. Thinking back on it, it was quite embarrassing; but funny as hell to see my therapist dance the way he did! I don't think I will get that image out of my mind. It will always be a cause for a good laugh when needed, but also a smile, because I actually feel that the lie from the past was "I am not important" and the truth is "I am important"
- important enough to have support, important enough to have care, love, and connection to all those around me. I am important enough to show up to therapy and work through my healing. I am important enough to find empowerment over this certain situation we are working through, and important enough to dance in celebration.
The quote on the photo above reads "your greatest treasure hides behind your self-loathing, LOVE it out of hiding"
For me, the self love and importance was truly hidden. I truly believed the lies from my past for so long. No matter how many times in therapy my therapist said "you are so worth it" "you are loved and cared for" ... no matter how many times my husband says "I love you" throughout the day.. no matter how many times my own kids say "I love you mom".. no matter how many friends tell me how much they care about me, I always felt as if there was a price to pay for that love; a consequence - but slowly over time, more so in this year, I have been trying to accept it more and believe it more, and today I just truly felt that "yes I am important enough".
Before leaving session today my therapist said "this is the empowerment to get through anything you come up against, if you believe you are important, you can move through anything. Everything that is hard will work itself out through healing".
So I will continue to show up like I always do and know I am important enough to show up. Empowerment is here, and that is the key to moving through the many "pot holes" and "hills" I come up against.
So as my facebook status says today "SALTARE" meaning Dance in latin! I am truly blessed today, a little shocked that I said those words, but I am blessed I finally found the words of truth that were hidden.