I am truly happy inside to be sitting here writing this entry today. Today, I said in Session to my therapist that "this one is being written about in the blog" - Today was a true testament to how you can be in a hard place, sit in it, be frustrated in it, have emotions around it, be angry in it, feel distorted in it, not understand it; but then realize that something GOOD came from it. " You are right where you need to be" These words are the words I have heard in the past 4 days. Even though I have a clear vision of my true self in this journey, there is proof that something can come by and just knock you off coarse, and your flying down a hill at 100mph in the wrong direction. I was told "For some reason Karen, this is where you need to be, I don't know why yet, but it will show up , and something big will come out of it, and we will listen and pay attention to it when it comes".
These words are so hard to hear when you come up against something really hard that you are dealing with internally. We all love to hear these words when your life is in line to where it feels comfortable. Hearing these words in times of hardness and despair, or when your in tears because something has hurt you to the core; kicked you in the gut - is truly hard!
While sitting with this the past couple of days, the very thing that was coming out of this, was being revealed while chipping away at the hardness of it. While in this sadness, and grief, I realized that I am stronger than I thought. What good came out of it was realizing another piece of ME and my healing.
What good came out of it was God opening my heart and eyes to see something from a different prospective; a more loving and tender side of me in acceptance to the sadness I was in. What good that came out of it was realizing that no matter how hard it was, I could talk about it, and I am worth being heard. What good came out of it was, that by talking through it, it showed I had self worth of myself enough to face it. What I realized was, the very thing that hurt me, was the very thing that gave me strength today.
I can now say, I was exactly where I needed to be. I am right where I need to be in this moment. I had this sense of relief that came over me when I realized all these things, and talked about it. It's like being outside in the sun after days of constant rain. It's the contrast... which is why it's so important to welcome the bad, even when it seems TOO hard to handle, because when that GOOD comes out of it, it feels uplifting and empowering, and you look back and see the strength and perseverance it took.
Maybe the way it came about wasn't justifiable, and you certainly dont want this to be a catalyst for things to come just to gain strength from it - but sometimes "you are right where you should be".
For ME, one of the biggest things that came out of this hard place, is that I trust the process 10 times more than I did before. It makes the relationship with your support another foothold up, which gives me strength to keep going forward and towards me. It makes the relationship with my TRUE self another foothold up which gives me strength to go forward.
I was told over the past couple of days that I am "resilient" .. and I think I am willing to accept that.. resilience is a GOOD thing, because it means you are willing to get past something hard, to get to the good.
So when you are going through a hard time, try and tell yourself "I am right where I need to be".. even if you have to "fake it", just say it even if you dont believe it in the moment - because you may find something that comes good from it - a lesson, a feeling, or getting to know your strength.