I used to spend hours on a swing when I was younger. I would build up strength and build up strength until I got so high that I couldn't get any higher, and then enjoy it until it slowed down, and felt the breeze as the swing swung high; a feeling of complete freedom. I remember thinking "if I swing really high, I would fly out to the sky".
Healing is much like the same as a swing. You go through moments where your building up to something great, and you find out something new and work with it, you feel accomplished, and then you slow down to almost a stop sometimes, and you have to work at it to get back up there again.
I think for me, this has been the case off and on for a little while now, and that sudden stop came when something "unexpected" showed up in my life again, and I needed to stop, take a look at it, work with it, connect around it with my therapist and support, and then start working hard at it again.
Yesterday in session was one of those moments where I stopped and felt. I was swinging really high on the momentum of healing and being on the high swing - and I came to a stop to feel. I just sat on the couch and just cried!! My therapist pulled me in and support me like he always does, gentle and caring, and made me see all the things I sometimes forget.
He talked to me and assured me, and reflected and reminded me what the swing is like when it's high, and how when it's stopped, it's OK to be there too. Honoring feelings that I have are true and right, and that is what builds the strength again.
and the swing starts to move a little.
You know, my therapist is great at helping me to see what is, and to help me find my strengths. It's why we work so well together "we make a great team", and sometimes I need that someone who knows where my strengths are so I can start building up to the highest swing again.
A lot of people see me as strong and a hard worker, but very few see me break down in the hard, and sometimes I just need that place and someone to see me down.. I can't always be swinging high all the time, and I am slowly learning that over time.
Yesterday, I found my strength again through support, care, love and connection - affirming words of trust, and someone to remind me where I am, and who I am, and what I am doing is right and real, and how I feel is right and real.
My therapist called me today on my one day off from therapy just to remind me that the care and that the support and connection is here, whenever I need it.. it's always mine, and I love that I am finally starting to accept support when it's given to me.
I am lucky to have wonderful support, a wonderful therapist who I can trust and trusts me just as much back.. I am lucky for all that I have in my life when the swing stops.. and sometimes those people are the ones helping to push it.
You can't keep a swing going without strength to push it forward, and sometimes you need to be with the hard to gain strength, and although sometimes it's ok to stop and rest and gather and look around you, swinging and flying high is by far the best feeling in the world when you get there - and it's worth it.
This blog writing was inspired to me from a song by Priscilla Ahn called "Dream"