saturday series {I AM}

Next Saturday I am starting the "I AM" series with other bloggers to share their thoughts through writing in their blog. It's a series blog hop that I have created and invited others to join, and it's pretty exciting.

I have a lot of great blogger's doing this Saturday along side of me, and today I am kicking it off with the first series.

Each Saturday you use the word {I AM} and write whatever it is that comes to mind. It can be about how your feeling now, or about your week, or whatever it is you want to write about using the word {I AM}.

So to begin:

{I AM} - sitting here thinking about this past week, and the weeks going forward, and how some of the changes I have been going through have been rewarding, new, hard, but good.

I got an email this morning from my therapist reflecting on our session Friday and what I got from that email was "our talk in session was a connecting experience"  No doubt I feel the same way in this newness, and it was very connecting.

{I AM} connected and I feel connected. I feel connected in my healing, I feel connected in my life right now - inside and out.

When I got out of the hospital I made some changes in my life. I needed to start very slow, which was hard for me because when I see something big ahead of me, I want to run towards it - but I knew if I kept at it, it would move faster in a new direction.

I have started to lift weights again like I did in the past. I am eating clean. I stopped drinking anything with sugar in it. I have changed my whole way of eating and my body is taking a huge liking to it.

I read the bible more and do the rosary as a part of my new meditation. I am opening myself up more towards new things. Slow changes but good changes.

I am writing more and sharing my blog with some really good people who are also survivors. I am opening myself to new possibilities like making a blog hop and opening myself up with others.

I have also made some changes in my house like rearranging, and organizing, painting and making a new - just like I am doing with myself on the inside and out.

In my healing and work in therapy we now start off the session with "checking in" before anything is said. I will check in with myself on where I am at inside, and he will check in with himself, and then we connect with a hug or hand. I no longer wait till the time is right to talk about what is inside, whatever it is that is there is there - no need to hide or wait, or only work in good energy, I work with it all - good, joy, bad, hard, sad, frustrating anger - whatever is there.

Sometimes you get to this place where you feel you are doing the same repetative things in your life OVER and OVER and you feel you are not moving. Sometimes you have to jump OUT to look IN and make some changes to the way you are doing things to get better results, and that is what I am doing now and it actually feels great!

{I AM} truly blessed that God has been working hard in me lately. I have to admit, it was a hard hard 7 weeks since leaving the hospital on many many levels, and it took a lot of tears, frustration, anger and fighting to get to where I am right now in this moment. I had a lot of support, but however it's something I needed to do inside myself.

My therapist always tells me "just keep leaning in keep leaning in. He will literally LEAN IN and touch shoulder to shoulder, hand to hand, word to word, eye to eye, energy to energy.

I have learned that leaning in and connecting with others in my life is the key to all healing, all around. When I connect with others and lean in, I also am more open to God and hearing his voice inside.

last week I did something different and I went to church and sat down and talked to this wonderful woman I love talking to at the Church and I opened myself up to just talk to her, and it felt good to connect with someone who is so spiritual and filled with grace.

{I AM} hopeful that each day will bring new things to challenge me, and I have to say this is the best I have felt in a long long time. I know there will be times that it's going to be hard, tough, and sometimes challenging in ways that is hard for me to see, but as I have always learned time and time again - it's always movement forward.

{I AM} also excited to celebrate my oldest son's 20th Birthday today! I cannot believe I have a 20 year old! But it's been the best 20 years having him in my life... he is such a wonderful son to have, and I am honored to be his mom. he makes me laugh and challenges me everyday. Yes I miss him not living at home, but he's always with me inside.

{I AM} ending this with saying - stay true to yourself, stay connected to the one who you love and love you, and always keep in mind that no matter how you feel, your always connected to someone.