This morning was a hard realization of what I needed to do to get through the hard, to get to the good! You cannot win, if you don't fight, stand up, and make a choice! Sometimes when it's really hard, you feel you don't have much strength. You sit there and wonder if throwing yourself under the covers and disconnecting will make the hardness go away; but in fact, It feeds the hardness, it feeds the disconnection and makes it grow - and before you know it, it's got you, you will be owned by the disconnection and the hardness that you are enduring. You want the rainbow? you need to deal with the rain.. how do you fight with the bad, with the hard, with the disconnection? you just DO IT! there are no words, there is no blueprint, you just get up, and "CHOOSE" to not let it take you down. Whatever it is you are going through, you need to stand up, and grab that umbrella and weather the storm, and you fight for what it is you really want inside.
I could have taken this horrible night/morning and let it run me down to the ground, and drag me out of connection with all my support and the people I love around me, but its a "choice" .. a hard choice yes. I am not saying that getting up and moving through something that is hard is going to be easy, but the rain will stop, and you will persevere over it, because you made a conscious "choice" - I made a conscious choice this morning to not let it feed off of disconnection; but instead getting up and letting it grow weaker!
I have to say this, in this hardness also came some goodness in understanding and seeing that I have grown in my healing. A wise person always tells me "listen to your internal wisdom" and my internal wisdom told me this morning after a horrible night and morning, "I am going to get up, fight, win, connect, and persevere!" listen within, dont let the disconnecting voice overturn YOUR inside voice! I truly see that my path is different, I truly see that I am on my way.. this morning I put up the GOOD fight... and today I will win!