5 minute Friday - Real

Here we are, it's Friday - Five minute Friday!  Five minute Friday we bloggers write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We set a timer, throw caution to the winds and try to remember what it was like to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

write for 5 minutes, no back-drafting, no editing – today’s word is: real

START:

The first thing I thought about when I saw the word "real" was emotions! Emotions are the most real thing we experience in life.

God gave us emotions for a reason. It's a way for us to express ourselves. It's a way for our feelings to be seen, heard, felt, understood. It's our souls way of letting out the hurt inside so that it doesn't remain toxic inside of our body.

My whole life I never knew what emotions were - I had no idea that I had emotions and that they were real.

One of the biggest moments in my life when I realized something was wrong with me before going into therapy 5 years ago, was when my Nana died, and I was not able to cry at her funeral and wake.

My Nana was the one person in my life that I loved the most - I lost the one person who truly loved me unconditionally, she was all I had - but I couldn't cry!

I was the only one without tears, and I had no idea why. I didn't think I had emotions. I didn't think emotions were real inside of me.

When I started my healing journey and discovered emotions, I found out how real they were, and how real they felt. It felt strong, and it was painful, but it was real. In fact, it felt so real once I let them out, it was scary! I would shake and panic, because I had no idea what was going on inside of me.

Now that I have opened up those real emotions, they show up all the time. I feel I have a lifetime of emotions to express.

I am not only talking about tears, I am also talking about JOY, ANGER, FRUSTRATION, LOVE, SADNESS .. all those emotions are real inside of me, and through my healing, I have learned to feel what "real" is.

My whole life was about those emotions being fake and those emotions not being allowed. It was a sign of weakness to feel emotions, or to act on them. Today these real emotions are OKAY and I am OKAY to feel them.  

One thing I have learned in this journey is "if you feel it, it's real".

I am now living in the real, and not the fake and that is a beautiful thing.

END

 I am linking up with GYPSY MAMA for 5 Minute Friday