I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Today my therapist called me to connect, and we talked for quite a while about how hard and great we worked through this week. He then said the words "Karen, I am honored to walk this journey with you". I was silent for a moment and for the first time, I was proud of myself. I truly was.
I dug deep, we dug deep to understand this "whole" situation that had my healing unraveling to an unneeded derailment!
We both jumped in the middle together and said NOPE - not going to let it unravel any further - true connection - true commitment - true support - true healing!
Last night at 3am, I put on my boxing gloves, and I dug deep. I dug deep and wrote a 5 page writing of why I felt the way I felt, what feelings came from it, what it caused in me, what the result is, what the blessing is. I laid it all out on the table, and I sat back and looked at it, and smiled! I finally had all of my feelings dug out and understood.
We both agreed to have me send it to him.. let him hold that truth with me.. use it as a anchor for connection - and what great connection this has created for me - self realization!
The definition of "self realization"
Self Realization is achieving a state of actualization by fulfillment of the possibilities of one’s character, development, and potential. It is the personal experience and recognition of your own divinity, being in conscious resonance with your higher power – your True Self.
This definition speaks volumes of how I feel in this moment. It's one thing to work with something and not understand it, but it's another to work with something and "understand it".
Sending that email to him that I sat with for 3 hours last night was like the weight was lifted off my shoulders and was held by someone else! Not just someone else, but someone who I have trusted with my whole story for over 5 years now.
This creates room inside of me to breathe, and be, and really heal through walking back on my path again! I have never felt this lifted in such a long time.
Tonight I am sitting here knowing that my therapist is holding this story and truth.. this realization, and grace! I no longer have to hold it alone.
God is wonderful because he is up there creating this path for me.. even when it's hard.