Tonight I am sitting here and things are becoming clearer. I feel more connected tonight than I have in weeks. I always have believed that "connection" is what serves a great path to my healing.
Today I was reminded of that connection. I was reminded that nothing has changed in this hard place I was in. Nothing has changed in the support, care or love - it's there, I just need to accept it and have trust in it. Sometimes I need to be reminded when I get lost in the hardness.
I have realized over the years in therapy that connection is the light to my path. Each step I take in my healing, lights the path to go forward.
I spent a lot of my life in disconnection. Disconnection from myself and others. I was always a quiet and reserved person. I was shy and I retreated to myself a lot - until recently.
I have learned in my 5 years of therapy that there is a whole world out there wanting to be connected. I learned that each connection I accept is another light to my path.
It's no surprise that the past couple of weeks for me have been grueling! I have had moments that I wanted to give up - I have had moments that nothing made sense to me. I had moments to anger and frustration! Those are the moments that the path is dim, but never dark.
I have learned in this path to healing that the road is never fully lit! You will go through moments of dim and what seems like darkness, but in real, those are the places you rest and gather strength (just like we need to sleep at night with the lights off).
There is one thing I have always told my therapist and that is "I cannot work when I feel disconnected". When I feel connected I can get through almost anything... but as time as gone by, I have learned that I CAN work in disconnection... those are the moments I learn, and gather wisdom, and strength, and wonder. IT has allowed me to trust the connection even in the dark.
My journey in healing has been about learning to trust what is there even when I can't see it. Yes it's more comfortable and trusting when we can see it, but imagine how much more powerful it is to accept in the dark; in those places that don't feel as connected. Those are the moments you need to grab a hold of connection.
Tonight I feel more connected to me, my support and God. It's a feeling that I just feel deep within. I am coming out of this darkness I have been in for weeks now.
For the first time in weeks I am looking forward to my healing in therapy this upcoming week! I feel something is on the verge of happening and I feel "GOOD" all around me. Those are the feelings that bring light to my path - connection and trust; those are the brighter parts to my path.