Five minute Friday we bloggers write for five minutes flat on Fridays. We set a timer, throw caution to the winds and try to remember what it was like to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.
write for 5 minutes, no back-drafting, no editing - today's word is: Goodbye
Start: When I saw the word "goodbye" the first thing I thought about was how tough it was to let go of the 5 year old child that resided inside of me.
The 5 year old child that I held onto - her story, her pain, her truth, her beautiful spirit.
I have held onto the 5 year old child inside of me for a long long time. I held her close because all I knew how to do was to pretect her; protect myself in holing all that truth inside of what she endured.
Today I am releasing that truth. Today I am finding ways to let go more of "her" so I can see more of "me".
It's never easy to say goodbye to something that you have held onto for so long.
When you spend a lifetime protecting that child inside because of the abuse she went through; it's heart breaking to think that you have to let that part of you go - to see the you that was growing inside all these years.
Letting go of someone that you hold inside is just as painful as someone dying in your life today. Letting go of the child inside of you is filled with grief and pain, sorrow and guilt, and a sadness I dont know how to explain.
What I do know is, although letting go is hard; it's also healing. Letting go and saying goodbye to "her" is allowing myself to emerge and come to full truth about who I was, and who I want to be, and who I am today!
Saying goodbye to that part of me, is allowing myself to grow and learn, and it also allows me to grieve what I have been through. Grieving what I went through is a process of letting her go - it's giving her life to being able to tell her truth, so she can die, so I can live.
The more and more I let her go and say goodbye to her pain, the more I am learning about myself every day in this journey to heal.
It's hard and painful, but I find that I am becoming this new person that is filled with hope and love that I never allowed myself to see or feel before.
I have learned that under the 5 year old girl, is a woman who is 40, a woman who is filled and bursting with LOVE and I am finding ways to express it through connection with others who love me back for me and not for what they want from me.
sometimes saying goodbye is hard, but also saying goodbye means you are letting something else IN - and that is connection to others.