One of my favorite things to do before bed is to pick a prayer from the bible and find meaning in it that pertains to my healing, and how I can grow and move through it with more strength. Tonight, as I snuggled up in bed under the blankets, I picked up the "gather book" that I got from the church.
I read from Psalms which has always been my favorite of all readings in the bible, and what I read tonight was:
PSALMS 16:11 - You will show me the path to life. Fullness of joys in your presence, the delights at your right hand forever.
My therapist connected with me later this afternoon/evening and we talked about what it would look like tomorrow to tear down the walls in the very moment, connect, and talk with no reservation. What path do I want for me, and how do I go about accepting those around me to make that happen?
I smiled, and it felt like an invitation to another part of my healing. When I cried earlier this morning in session, sometimes my therapist will smile, because he knows this is a part of the growth. This is where "I emerge" out of the sorrow and pain. This is where the path is lied out to me that God is helping me to see.
When I heard my therapist suggest what I open myself up to, I was fearful at first. How do I take down every BIT of wall, and open myself up to anything I want? I may have taken down walls in my healing, but I am not naked by any means.
I have walls that are still built, but they are small and short. They are short enough to walk over, but tall enough to notice they are there. What if I took everything away and allowed myself to open up to a place I have never been; a place where I protect NO ONE?!!
This took my breath away. I thought about it all night, and when I hung up with my therapist I was blessed and joyous! I was fearful, but it was not the fearful that I usually experience, it was an exciting fearful.
I sit here tonight and I read the Psalms reading. It brings so much light to my path. I go to bed tonight with hope, and assurance, and I feel worthy that maybe just maybe I can take it all down and know I am possible for growth in openness.
Sleep finds me tonight - with the grace of God building my path as I sleep, and I am confident it will be strong enough to walk on when I wake.