There are moments in my work in therapy that we call "sitting'. Some people may call it "stuck" or "plateau" but I like to call it sitting. Being stuck reminds me too much of the past and how they had control over me. Sitting for me means "being in the hard"; "In the weakness".
I have had a tough week and a half. Ever since I opened up the wound to my surfaced emotions, It's been hard to close that wound shut, to go onto the next wound.
The many emotions that I have been experiencing in the past week have been so hard and raw, that I had no choice but to "sit". I had no choice but to sit in the weakness.
Today when I was in session, I looked over at my timeline book which sits on top of my hope box on the desk. I noticed it had a few small papers on it, and maybe even collecting a little dust. I thought in that moment "this is what I am doing, I am sitting, and all these old messages are collecting on top of me".
Today after leaving, I decided I am going to pick up that timeline, dust it off, and open it back up. I am going to take the hand that is offered to me, get up from the sitting position I have been in for over a week now, and dust myself off of all the old messages that are trying to invade me while sitting.
This doesn't mean I am not going to honor what is going on, or not honor the new surfaced emotions. It doesn't mean that what I have done for work thus far is not good work. I have done great work, hard work, healing work, emotional work! It just means I need to stand back up and walk towards the next - no more sitting!
I have had a lot happen in the past week that has caused me to sit, and today I said NO MORE! I told my therapist "take my hand and get me out from the sitting position".. I don't even have to explain what that means, it's known what that means.
So Friday I Will take the timeline book, I will dust it off, I will sit and listen to myself within, I will honor, I will gather the strength that I gained from this last battle, and I will walk again.
I am so incredibly blessed by all the support I have had in this blog! The support and the kind words and emails have been so incredible I blush at times! Thank you to all my support for walking this path with me.
Today I was reminded - I am strong, I will always be strong - whether I am sitting, standing ,running, falling or kicking! I just need to remind myself of the path I am on, and keep my eye on the light.