I took this photo today, I was in my car, sitting in a parking-lot, and I knew it had beautiful colors.. the reds and the oranges, the vivid sharp-ness of fall.. fall is one of my favorite times of the year, because of it's colors and the weather. When I took my phone out to take this photo, for some reason I put it on "black and white".. and I didn't realize until now why.. why would I take a photo of something so beautiful, and make it black and white before I shot it? ... I posted this photo today and everyone complimented on how beautiful it was... but the beauty was in the colors, and I didn't shoot it that way.
Sometimes when we are struggling, we see things differently, they are not as colorful, they are not as bright.. sometimes when we are struggling we tend to not notice it's beauty when it's there, we only see the darker side of things. today I knew the colors were there, but yet I didn't shoot it the way it was there in front of me.
I think my reason for putting my camera in Black and White, was because that is how I felt at the moment - unsure, scared, sad, and alone in the process of what I am going through to heal.... so much of what we see is a reflection of how we feel inside.. but I know that this tree had colors, I just couldn't take a photo of it.. and it bothered me all day.
Fighting through something so hard in letting go, I guess this is what I see right now. People wear black to honor in people's passing.. black and white is a color of death and a color of sadness.. I guess this is how it feels to let go. My hope and prayer is that in this process of letting go, I will see things differently - though it takes time.. it still hurts, and things do seem black and white..
I imagine through letting go the colors come back; things seem to be more crisp and in place.. but just as much as the tree's take time to change colors; so does healing.. especially when you have been black and white your whole life.
This photo reminds me of how much I miss my photography... I think the reason I gave it up was because through healing I truly couldn't see the colors like I used to... it just wasn't there.. just as the colors were not there for me in this photo I took today.. but my hope and prayer is that through God and Faith, and Courage and my process of letting go, that I will be able to see it again.
I have alot of hope inside... and my hope is that I will be able to see the colors and the photos the way I used to.