finding more hope . . .

I really haven't had too many words since my post last night "living with 2 O'clock". Actually I have been quiet within most of the day. In some ways I was really surprised that I wrote about something that was truly hard to explain, and something I never shared with anyone except my support.

When I woke up early this morning I had this sense of "oh my gosh I cannot believe I wrote all that in my blog last night" feeling inside, but then I had some hope inside that it really did lift me from some of what I hold everyday. It gave me some hope that it helped someone else, or that just by sharing it, it opened up more room inside for something else to be honored.

I went into session today, and we sat and read the blog together, and I read it out loud, and even though he knows everything about 2 O'Clock, I still was choked up. I was choked up reading it because It brought the truth to life. It brought it to life because I honored it and opened it up for everyone to see and know. I was also choked up because I was truly seeing what it is I go through everyday.

Sometimes when you are IN something so much, it's hard to step back and see things in perspective. It's hard to see the island if your on it, unless you row away from it, and see it from a far.

Today while reading that blog out-loud, with someone who knows my whole story, sitting by my side, in the very room that holds all of my truth and pain; it really brought the truth into perspective to where I could see it in full. I was able to step outside what I go through, and really see what it was from the outside, and that was very emotional for me.

As we sat there and dissected the blog in awe, many many tears showed up. Tears showed up because I had this huge feeling of hope that came over me. A feeling of hope and sadness at the same time. Sadness that I went through this as a child and still going through it today - and hope that I really put the truth out there, and it felt GOOD. It gave me room to breathe yet again.

When I left, and was driving home, I also felt this feeling of relief; relief that it also gave me room to move forward. Relief to move forward  in more truth, and more honoring. I had more hope that I can move back into the timeline tomorrow, and make more room for me and my soul to breathe.

Tonight I sit here and I am blessed.. I have hope and I am blessed. My hope for others reading this who are also survivors, I want you to know that, sometimes letting something inside free, gives you more hope, and more strength within! My hope is that if it helped just ONE person, that is one more person that knows that "you are not alone".

Tonight - those are the only words I have. . .