I have been working on a small art project, or at least trying to, and I haven't had the courage to really dig deep into it, and I think fear is holding me back. Fear of not doing it good enough, fear it wont be what I hope for!
The same thing goes with my writing in the blog. I used to write all the time, almost every day in my blog, and for some reason I have just come to a complete STOP!
Fear of not doing it good enough, or finding the perfect words to say!
My therapist said something to me in session this morning that really gave me the courage to write this blog and push past this block that has been here for weeks, and that is "you can't mess up the project your working on, because however it turns out, it will be good enough because you did it".
I can write drafts, I can make practice journal art pages, I can trial all the things I want to do before the real thing, but truth is, no matter how right or wrong I do it, it will be good enough, because it's ME and WHO I AM.
I think a lot of my blocks in not writing is fear I won't do it right, or fear my words are not strong enough. Fear it wont be accepted or make sense. Fear I wont be happy with it and not feel good enough! ...
Then there are fears that so make sense ... fears that I am still healing and recovering from ..
It stops now! I am going to take my therapist's wisdom and be who I am no how messy or right I get it. I love the quote
"we can only ever be who we really are, good enough"
I am done trying to wait for the perfect moment to write the best blog with the best words, or waiting to work on this amazing journal page I am ready to work on, no matter how un-perfect it is, its going to be perfect because its me and who I am.
I showed my therapist the "TESTER JOURNAL PAGE" I worked on this past weekend, and he was in AWE of it .. he said to me "this is the test journal art page? to him he though it was perfect as it was, to me it was just a test before the real one is made.. he made me realize that what I worked on was good enough, that is me and who I am.. I created that whether it was the real thing or not.
The same goes with my writing from now on ... as I continue to make steps out of this isolation and healing I am working so hard through, I will show up as I am.. messiness and all .. the good and the hard.. emotions and all .. being GOOD ENOUGH for who I am.
It feels good to sit here and write ... just letting the words flow off my fingers as I write and not worry if I am doing a good job writing what I want to write.. because this.. today .. will be ... GOOD ENOUGH!