My mom passed away last week after battling years and years of many different illnesses that caused her so much pain and suffering. bed-ridden for years, and being "trapped" as she called it, in a body that chained and confined her to the diseases that took over her body; so much so that she prayed for God to take her away from this pain filled life.
A quote that she wrote that was shared at the wake last week was:
"People say life is too short, I say life is too long"
I can only imagine how long life must have been for her, but the one thing that I do know is, she fought for whatever good day she could have, and always held the hope that the next day would be better the painful one she was dealing with at that moment.
Many times in conversation with her, the only thing she wished for was to just get up and walk - go out the front door - get in the car - and go wherever she wanted to go!
I believe today in this moment she is roaming the heavens hand in hand with those who awaited her arrival. She is no longer confined - she is free.
Being confined to bed for so long, she didn't have much, but she made the best of the space and things she did have. She made the best out of the small space of life she did have, and that is what made her amazing! She did the best she could with what life handed her and never gave up to have one good day over the next.
She loved to be creative and artistic. She loved doing things with her IPAD. She loved to draw, doodle, do puzzles and create amazing poems. She loved pinterest where she could be creative and imaginary with the things she wished for and wanted. I smile when I think of the things she wanted to do, because I knew if she could, she would have done them.
She would go on Facebook every day and leave positive faithful quotes reminding all of us to "never take life for granted" as she knew what that meant to be confined to only very few things she "could" do - Reminding us all that what we have is so precious and how she would do anything to do the very things we could do everyday - but never made us feel guilty for any of it. She smiled and took what she did have and made the best of it. That was my mom!
She would sometimes call me and leave goofy voice-mails just saying Hi, because she was bored or needed someone to talk to - I long to hear those goofy quirky messages now of her just being silly and wanting someone to talk to. I wish I could take those moments back. I wish I made more time for those goofy messages.
Before she got sick years and years ago, she loved to cook, loved to be in the kitchen cooking food for everyone, and she cooked She loved to shop in craft stores when her body would allow her to. She was such a creative crafty person, she did such beautiful work in her crafts.
She loved to shop and roam the craft stores and craft fairs; always looking for the next beautiful thing to create and make for others. She didn't do crafts for herself, she did them to create beautiful gifts for others. She was a very giving person.
She was very much into her faith. She had a strong love and relationship with God and that brings me comfort knowing she is embraced by that love, and how that love is bringing her a pain-free peaceful life.
My moms passing didn't come to a surprise to us all, in fact she lived a lot longer than we had thought, but for her it was a life too long as this is something she wished for every day. To us it was a blessing to have her longer, to her it was another day of pain and we sometimes took that for granted.
I think what changed me in all of this is truly embracing what is right in front of me. My mom was isolated from the life she wanted with no choice but to have what she could have... I have the choice to have the things I long for, and in honor of my moms passing, I am going to fight for those things - because I do have a choice, she didn't.
I think the only thing that helps me through my moms passing is knowing that this is something she prayed for and wanted. She prayed for God to take her from the pain she was confined to, and that day finally came on January 6th 2015 at 5:20am. She finally met God and was comforted in love and peace; a love and peace we will never know and feel of its depth until that day comes for us.
I wanted to dedicate this word "peace" to my mom and her passing and honor the word in her name and for she is and always will be. May you rest in forever peace mom! You will be missed, you will always be loved and never forgotten.