I saw this quote last weekend and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since! This quote really opened my heart and my mind to so many things around me; especially looking back on this hard year I have had.
The quote was this:
"Our eyes are not just viewers they are also projectors that are running a 2nd story over the picture that we see in front of us all the time! Fear is writing that script, and the working title is “I will never be enough".
When I read that quote it was like something huge shifted inside of me; something that I have never felt before. Something changed, I changed, my feelings changed, my outlook changed!
If you really read the quote, it tells us that no matter what we have going on in front of us, there is always a 2nd story being written over what is really here! FEAR writes the script of what it is that is really here and that fear gets in the way at times, and most of the time that script is telling us "I am not enough".
This quote has defined exactly what the past couple of years has been for me.
As readers of my blog, I know you have read many different versions of what I am going through. Sometimes I feel on top of hope, and other times I am not so sure. I have written about the REALLY hard, and the REALLY good. I have had moments where I thought I was going through a really good shift, but then realized later it was false hope.
This time, it feels SO different! I feel SO different!
Something shifted over thanksgiving break and I have never felt a sense of movement like I do now. I have never felt so connected as I do now.
Over thanksgiving break I took a step out of my head and really got clear about what was going on around me. I told my therapist that I wanted the week of Thanksgiving break to be time for me to get out of my head and time for me. I didn't want to connect over break; that I trusted the really good connection we have.
It was a great break for me to get out of my head, away from the healing, and really get curious and clear about where I am! it was amazing!
This past year has been about not feeling good enough, not feeling worthy enough, not feeling good about myself causing me to be in this place of isolation... but what was really going on inside of me? What was causing this isolation?
What 2nd story was being played out in front of what was real? I realized, it was FEAR .. and knowing that now gives me hope of what I need to do next! In fact, I am changing hope to faith - because faith holds more promise than hope.
Coming back into my healing after the Thanksgiving break was nothing short of amazing connection! This past week was the best week I have ever had in therapy! I am more connected now than I have ever been - ever!
My therapist and I are both so excited about the path going forward! So many thoughts and ideas I have about what caused this isolation and what is really here in front of me that needs a place to be placed.
Today my therapist and I were talking about this big shift and he was glowing with excitement! He slid over to me and gave me the biggest hug of connection telling me how proud he was of me and just how DIFFERENT he see's this shift to be and how there is big opportunity here in this big shift! It's EXCITING!
I plan to share some of these steps with you all. I know I haven't written much in the past week and a half, but I took a small week or so break from writing so I could really get clear about this new shift and path I am on. I didn't want to jump ahead too quickly before I really knew what God was showing me.
I have come to realize that FEAR is the script that got in the way of where I was going this past year, and more so the past COUPLE of years. I let outside circumstances really steer the course of my healing path and it got the best of me, and now I am here writing my OWN script to my healing ... no longer letting fear take control over what I want, and what I need going forward!
Fear is a huge obstacle that can get in the way of many things! That quote was right on .. there will always be a 2nd story over the truth of what is really in front of us if we let Fear control the story. WE HAVE a choice! I HAVE A CHOICE, an I know that now.
A part of the healing is realizing what that 2nd story is telling us, and how to focus on the truth of what is real vs what is not.
I hear and know that loud and clearly!
I am excited! It will be some work moving through some of the things I need to move through, but I am ready to face whatever it is I need to do to re-write the script fear has forced upon me the past couple of years!
This place I have been in is no place for me ... isolation and feelings of unworthiness is not the place God would want me to be, thats not the story God has written for me or my path.
One step at a time is what is needed ... however big or small - at least it's a step "out" and not a step "in".