Being grateful is hard at times, and what makes it harder is being grateful in the midst of the hardness and the struggles of life. I used to hear and read people say " I am grateful for the struggle" What!?
I never used to believe in that, until now.
I finally understand what it means to be grateful for the struggle, and I am grateful for the struggles, because without the struggles and the pain I go through; I wouldn't have the muscles built up to fight the harder parts of this healing journey!
Years ago I used to lift weights, and at the peak of my training I was bench pressing 150 pounds! I didn't begin that way, but I went through some pain and struggle to get there, and because of that pain and that struggle to lift those weights, I became stronger!
Each day it got a little easier and easier as I built those muscles up, and before I knew it, I was doing workouts I could never do before!
I look at my healing the same way! I am grateful for the challenges God puts in front of me, because without those, I wouldn't be able to push through some of the harder struggles I am faced against - it made me stronger!
It's hard to be grateful in the midst of struggle and pain! but what I have learned on this journey is, being grateful IS a part of the healing and moving through the struggle.
The past 2 days I have gone through some really big emotions, and even though I wrote about this great new place I am in last week, there are STILL struggles right in the middle of the good! That's what healing is about! healing is about seeing the good, feeling the hard, understanding the struggle, and still finding grace right in the middle of it all!
I am grateful for the healing journey, for my therapist who works with me so incredibly hard in the good and the hard! I am grateful for the path God put in front of me on this journey to heal - but there are also moments where the struggle is so hard that I wonder if I can do it anymore!
But then God shows up! He shows me "this is a part of the struggle" - the pain, the wonderment, the fight, the tears, the unsureness! and for that I am grateful that God gives me all the truths of what this healing path is about! Healing is not just about seeing and feeling good.. its about seeing and accepting the hard and painful and the moments of wanting to give up because the good seems further away than the hard.
I used to believe that therapy was about going into session and talking through the hard things, and then feeling better when I left the session - I have learned in the past 7 1/2 years that it's quite the opposite! Healing is about feeling the depth of the pain and struggle from deep within, and leaving session at times feeling worse than you did walking in, but I began to see healing happening and realizing this is where it happens - this is what closing the wounds feel like!
As hard as it is to be grateful for the things that God puts in our path that sometimes hurt us, its when we realize just how much those painful things make us who we are - its what HEALS us within.
I am so GRATEFUL for the healing path God has put me on 7 1/2 years ago! This path has been hard, painful, gut wrenching at times - but it has also been beautiful, wisdom filled, and empowering!
I look back on this path sometimes and smile knowing God set this path for me, and although he doesn't like to see me hurt while opening the wounds, he also smiles knowing they are being healed with love and grace - and for that I am grateful for both the hard, the painful and the goodness it brings!