31 days of reflection {day 25} being the victim

afe36f2c6d6c6d936157bff6e28a80c2I saw this quote to the left and it felt big and powerful! Sometimes it's easy to become the victor of hard situations; especially if we feel so wronged over and over that we dont have any control over what burdens us.

The thing is, we have a choice to be either - the ball is in our court.

Being a victim doesn't sound very powerful or enpowering, but it's not about being the victim that defines us, it's about how we take being the victim of someone else's free will.

A long time ago when I first began therapy I had this anger with God. I said to my therapist "me and God are not on talking terms right now, how can he stand by my whole life and watch all this bad happening to me and not do a darn thing about it?".

He then made me realize that It's not God who stands by and lets this happen, it's about the free will of others and how God is standing over my pain shaking his head in dismay at the free will of others to hurt another.

God is here for us in Minimum protection but MAXIMUM support - meaning, God can't do much about the free will of others, but he can support us through it and love us through our pain to help us get through.

Since my therapist told me that 7 years ago, I have a new relationship with God . . . . I am the victim, not the victor! I can choose to not let the free will of others take me under, but I can sure talk about how much that sucks and hurts!

I don't feel sorry for myself, but putting the pain and the hurt to whom it belongs to is giving the power back to me and the anger onto the person who deserves that anger.

It's not easy to always see it that way, but the beauty is, with God by our side, we have the choice to find empowerment over our past and not the let the past define who we are.

When I was abused as a child, I didn't have a choice, but today I do and although sometimes its hard to find empowerment over the pain and triggers I have today, I still have the choice to not let it define the person I am - its about taking that power away from those who have hurt me and giving me my SELF back.

Not always easy, but doable... God is on our side and he is rooting for us, show him you are the victim and not the victor .. stand strong and fight for what has been taken.

A quote came to mind ... a very very special quote that someone shared with me a long time ago and that is "God will restore what the enemy has taken" .. he can't stop the enemy from taking, but he can restore us to heal those painful wounds and I believe THAT!

I am living proof 7 1/2 years of therapy so far that wounds can heal .. it's a slow process and very painful at times, but I feel it happening every day I fight for it.

The triggers are still here, the anxiety I still suffer from, the self doubt I live with sometimes, and the shame I sometimes wake with .. but I always have that hope inside that every day will get better if I just keep walking the path to healing.