Today marks 7 years that I have been on this amazing healing journey; the journey to healing and finding life on the other side of what I only knew. 7 years ago I walked into therapy and met someone who would make a huge impact on my life and in many ways still does.
I not only met someone who impacted my life to walk this journey aside of me, but I met myself through the healing process.
The photo to the left is the hope box that I made my therapist celebrating the amazing connection and goodness on this path and the reflection of who he is as a person, healer, and someone who I admire and look up to.
When I was 5 years old I remember sitting in my closet rocking back and forth saying "God, I really wish I could find someone who I can talk to and trust" and I remember repeating that prayer a lot; even into my teen and adult years.
God answered my prayers 7 years ago when I built up the courage to take the steps towards healing, and to dive forward into this amazing yet very hard journey.
This has been an incredibly hard but rewarding journey! There have been moments of wonder and unsureness when it got REALLY hard, or at times overwhelming - but I have learned how to fight in those questionable moments of wonder! I found my worth that every time I show up, its another part of me coming to life.
If I were to look back on who I was 7 years ago, I would have to say I don't quit remember the person I was, because its so different than the person I am today.
I have learned about connection and trust. I have learned how to use my voice to be heard with no consequences or judgement. I have learned how to take risks even when the risks were filled with wonder and fear. I have learned how to connect with someone and to learn that not all connection is abusive, connection can be love and care.
7 years ago I wouldn't let anyone come near me unless they were my kids or my husband. When people would come towards me to hug, I would scatter in fear or numb myself enough to not feel it.
My therapist has gently taught me how to walk towards people and not run away. He has taught me how to embrace a hand, embrace a hug, and to know that I am loveable and cared about and wont be abused in that.
7 years ago I would show up to session and spend a good portion of the session with one foot out the door only saying a few words towards the end before leaving.
7 years ago I didn't know how to talk about my feelings, or even say the word "CRY" without wanting to run. My therapist has guided me and pulled me in to learn that my emotions are so OKAY and they are welcomed, supported and cared about.
Today I am a different person and it took a lot of hard work to get to this point.
There were some real struggles along the way, and some things that almost got in the way of my healing, but connection and the goodness of our work showed just how strong our connection is and the relationship we have built along the way.
The process of therapy is painful, but rewarding when I can look back at who I was 7 years ago and not even notice the person I was to the person I am today.
I am still walking this amazing healing journey, and although there are times its so hard that I don't know how to keep moving forward, the process shows me that there is another side and I am still walking forward, not backwards.
I am SO grateful for my therapist Andy who is an amazing soul and has TRULY taught me what life can be like on the other side.
Thank you Andy for showing up and being big and truly taking me in to your wisdom and guidance and helping me to really trust what connection is like.
This has been a HARD, PAINFUL yet amazing journey to healing, and every step I keep taking forward I know am walking towards the person God intended me to be.
I am blessed for this journey, and thank God everyday for hearing my prayer to healing.