Checking in and connecting

family tree image from cover of 2013 ARI haven't written in a while, I have been a little on the quiet side and really focusing on my physical health. But I am here and plan to write more in the coming weeks as I miss it very much. I have gotten many emails from people asking me if I am okay and why I haven't written, and I just want to say thank you for being so caring and loving my blog.

Right now I am working very hard in therapy around both the physical health I am going through, and the emotional - but I have to say this, my therapist and I have done such amazing work in the past month that it has really helped me to get through the physical problems I am going through with my heart.

Right now its about focusing on the day to day steps of connection. It's about not going too forward into the unknown and the things we don't have control over, and stay right in this moment connecting in what we do have control over.

I am seeing a specialist for my heart problems and that is the next step after the scans I have had done. I just had a bilateral leg scan last week testing for blood flow from the heart and now we are taking it to specialist. It has gotten so bad that when I wake up in the morning I can't bend my fingers until the blood flow catches up. I have a weak heart valve that could be causing the problems with the blood flow.

Going through physical health problems really take a toll on me emotionally because I am such an active person that I struggle so much with my limitations right now... but the work in therapy with my therapist really has helped me to stay grounded and focused to what is here.

My therapist has been AMAZING and that word is saying it lightly! He has literally taken my hand and kept me above water through all of this and I am so grateful for him! so incredible blessed, and because of the good work we are doing in therapy, it has helped me to lean on my family more and the people around me.

My therapist and I joke all the time and say "if we could take this connection and heal the heart, it would heal in seconds, that is how good the work has been..... if only! but that is not the case and the next steps right now is to continue working with the specialist and hopefully we can find the right path to getting me back to full health.

I had an amazing Easter and spent the weekend with my boys and Tim. Christopher (my almost 22 year old) spent the night and we just had so much fun making dinner and just spending quality time together.. I don't get to see him much, so that was nice. I took a very nice photo of him (below) over the weekend.. I can't believe my 1st baby is going to be 22! he is so handsome, loving and caring.

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I also took a photo of all 3 of my boys! I dont get a chance to do this often! I usually have to bribe them, but they were pretty willing this time around.

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My middle son is turning 18 this year and of course Nathan is the baby in the family and he is 15! time is going by so fast and I just enjoy all the moments I spend with them!

I plan to change the way I write in the blog.. I am thinking of going in a new direction with my writing! its not all going to be different, but I plan to write other things as well outside of my healing in therapy! I want to incorporate some new kind of writing and I look forward to it going forward.

So you will see me writing more in the up-coming weeks, and just know that I also enjoy connecting with others.

This path is a hard path, but if I were to look back at where I was even just 2 years ago, I would have to say this direction I am going is AMAZING! the connection to self and my support is amazing and the work I am doing in therapy is honoring and awe inspiring compared to where I was.. I am truly blessed!

I will continue to let you know how my appointments go with the new heart specialist ... and of course my healing health in therapy as well. I miss writing..... this felt good!

It's a hard path, but a path VERY worth taking to full health and healing.