I am sitting here tonight reflecting back on the beautiful session I had today and how connecting and healing it felt the whole way through; even right in this moment as I sit and reflect - I feel blessed and a little excited. Today was my longer session and my therapist and I talked the night before about walking into this session today as gentle and careful as we can; to reflect a little backward, to gently move forward into the young part.
I felt big and open as my therapist sat and held my hand through some of the questions to allow the young part to be present, and I felt safe, care for, and most important - heard!
One of the things that my therapist does best is "reflecting". He is good at reflecting back to help me get to the emotions that sit behind the reflection.
He is good at helping me to see things that I didn't quite see that needs to be felt and seen a different way, and today he helped me to move into that space that I needed to be in.
Today we reflected back on some of the big emotions that have been present, but hidden. He asked me some questions and I was able to be open from the young part, and from the adult part.
I felt safe, and most importantly, I felt healing and a shift happening from deep within.
I have been working with my therapist for 7 years, and I will admit that there are still times I struggle to be open with my emotions and thoughts, then there are times like today I felt all of me could be present, and I felt a sense of love and connection in the room and to my therapist. It takes a lot for me to get to that safe place, and sometimes that place is whats needed to heal.
I allowed the young part to be open and cared for. I allowed the young part to talk and be heard. I allowed the young part to answer questions and reflect back on feelings from the past and to let that be okay.
My fear of dependency gets in the way of allowing others to love and care for me. My fear of dependency sometimes puts a wall up to my therapist in allowing him to care and have empathy for my emotions, but today I allowed to be cared for and that felt big and different for me, because it also allowed me to "FEEL" and let it be okay that someone cares for me in that place of feeling.
I feel excited tonight as I took a big step today into allowing the young part to be present in session, and not only that, but I allowed the adult part of me to be loved and cared for around my feelings and emotions. That is big for me!
I feel this is one step closer to the good good work we have ahead. Like my therapist said today "sometimes you need to reflect backwards, to move forward, this was needed"
I am so blessed to have a wonderful amazing therapist! I have an amazing husband and family and people who support me, and I couldn't do any of this without the love ad support that I do have!
No matter how hard the days ahead are, or how hard they have been in the past, today was a day to hold onto, because today I accepted and today I felt a small shift in healing! Today I am open and big, and even if tomorrow was a hard day, or the day after, at least I have this moment to hold onto.
At least I have this moment to show me that if this moment can be different, and healing took place in this amazing session today, it can happen again, and it WILL, because that is what healing is!
Sometimes it takes a painful reflection back, to make a big healing step forward, and I am looking forward to taking another step tomorrow and continuing the path ahead.