With understanding, gives us direction, and with direction, you can move towards healing. My therapist reminded me of those very words earlier today. In fact, his wisdom is what helped me to get big and write this blog tonight.
He inspired me and reminded me that when we give something a name, it also gives us the empowerment to work through it, heal through it, and overcome whatever obstacles that are thrown at us for whatever reasons.
I had a very tough week last week. I hid it pretty well, and most people probably wouldn't have known I was having a tough week - except for those who really know me.
I was met with many unknowns last week and that scared me - scared me right back into connection. Who would have thought that fear could actually push you into connection?
Sometimes when we are faced with something that scares us, it gives us a new set of eyes to see, a new perspective on something that you never saw before and sometimes in those very moments are the very moments that gives us the best direction.
I found myself more empowered through something that I thought had no hope - when in real the hope was always there, I just needed to see it from a different angle.
My therapist and I were working hard through something and we kept hitting a wall, and finally the wall broke in session Friday, and we saw everything in a whole different light and meaning... and once we understood what it was we were not seeing before, there was hope, goodness, connection and understanding.
I am truly excited for the path ahead. I have been struggling with some hard emotional triggers for over a year now, and I have yet to understand why I am having such a hard time, but now I know.. now I have direction to what "was" the unknown.
My therapist and I have a great plan of work ahead and I am excited for the first time in a long long time. I am less disconnected and feel more open to being as authentic as I can be.
The weight of silence that has been hovering over me for the past year has lifted - my voice is louder and mind is reeling with wisdom and thoughts.
I had to let go of some old messages that I held from my past in order to make room for this new sight of goodness. I have had to learn that in this new direction comes acceptance and self-care.
I have come to an understanding that I can't protect others and to put myself out there to be heard and seen no matter how it makes someone else feel.
In this new direction I have to trust my therapist to push me knowing that my feelings and my emotions are okay no matter what they are; that those very emotions and feelings are the emotions that heal.
In this new direction I have to accept that I don't have to be strong for anyone, not even myself, because healing happens in the weak, not the strong.
I hate that sometimes we learn something through hardness. Last week was a very hard week for me.. I felt disconnected and horrible inside, but in those moments that were hard, it was only making me stronger for what was ahead.
I am excited and maybe a little scared... I have gone in many different directions over the years of healing, but this direction feels big, because in this direction is more understanding, and where there is understanding, there is healing to be done.