This morning I took a seat under the window, had my coffee in hand, played some soothing music and just took a good hour to be in the "here and now". Sometimes I do this in the morning to really reflect, think and sort things out in my mind. I don't have time to do this often but when I do I notice it makes more room for goodness in the day.
The past 2 days have been about focusing and connecting to the here and now, and I have to say it has been 2 of the best days I have had in a very long time.
The past 2 days in session with my therapist have been the best 2 days we have had in a very long time.
The past 2 days have been about really being in session and paying attention to "right here and right now". Not thinking ahead, not thinking behind, but really connecting to now, talking about feelings in the now, and really accepting what is in front of me, and I have to say, it's the best I have felt in session all year.
We have a couple of days off of therapy for the Thanksgiving Break and my therapist and I both said "man, I wish this really good connection and newness didn't come right before break" .. but you know what? a good connection can hold no matter how long.
We will stay connected over the break and trust that the good work we have done together in the past 2 days will be here Monday, because that is what good connection is.
I don't know what changed in the past couple of days, but I just made a conscious effort to really be present in this very moment and it has allowed me to really be open and connected. if I allow myself to find connection in the "here and now" it also allows me to heal what is behind me, and not fear what is in front of me and this week it has really worked.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and even though I have had a very hard year, I am thankful and blessed that those moments that were hard, made me stronger each day.
Everyone who knows me knows how important "Church" is to me. I haven't been to church since Easter, that is how hard the year was with isolating myself from all the things I love, and going back to church has been the most heart-breaking challenge for me.
I miss it so VERY VERY much. My faith has always been the light to the path ahead of me. At one point Deacon Bill called me "a juggernaut of faith" in front of the whole congregation when I became Catholic. He said "when you walk in the room, everyone can see he light and love of God around you".
I miss being in the presence of my faith and I have been trying so hard to go back, but every time I try, something holds me back.
Well tonight I am going to confession. I am catholic and in order to accept communion I have to go to confession, and I have to admit, confession to me is another form of healing. it's a way to be in the here and now with opening yourself to be seen.
My hope is that this Sunday I will walk back into Church and embrace the very thing that I felt the most connected to. It will be another huge step towards moving out of the isolation I have been in this whole year.
It all begins with ONE step!
So on this Thanksgiving I am blessed for the hard and the good. I am blessed for the challenges that made me stronger and close to those who I love and love me back.
I hope everyone has a BLESSED Thanksgiving and allow yourself to heal in the moment of right here and right now.
I am blessed for all those who are on this wonderful path with me.