Five Minute Friday {Together}

1Welcome to five minute Friday to where us bloggers are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing. No editing or backtracking. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Set the timer, have fun, write whatever flows from your fingers!

 

Today’s Five minute Friday word is {Together}

START

6 years and 8 months ago I began this scary yet amazing journey to healing in therapy.

When I first began showing up to therapy I had no idea what it was like to have a safe connection with anyone outside my husband.

I lived a life in a bubble called "NUMB", and it even took a very long time to find a connection to my husband which I still lived in a state of being numb to all that surrounded me.

I didn't know what it was like to be in connection and togetherness with anyone. I was petrified of being touched, hugged, or being seen.

At social events I would scatter away from anyone who tried to greet me with a hug. I panicked in the thought of being together with a bunch of people in fear I would be smothered that may set off a trigger of some kind.

But then that changed when I learned what safe touch and connection was.

One of my favorite favorite memories that I have had on this healing path in therapy was the day my therapist showed me what connection and togetherness was.

He scooted and scooted and scooted his chair over to mine until our knees almost touched. He then reached out his finger while I was crying and he said "lets connect together, touch my finger with yours!" So, I reached out and touched my finger to his, and a connection was made. I cried more because I felt it, I wasn't numb and it was safe.

That moment was the day I learned that I could be seen in my emotions, be together in connection, and I wasn't going to be abused or put down for how I felt.

6 years and 8 months later, my therapist and I sit together on the couch, we talk together, laugh together,  we work hard together, we share together and even have had tears together.

I have learned to apply this connection and togetherness to outside in my life and be together with others without the fear of being seen.

I hug people now, I allow myself to be close with others and not have to numb or hide or scatter away from what goodness togetherness brings.

My therapist taught me about releasing the fear and trusting that not all hands are abusive; that his finger to my finger was out of love, care and connection, not abuse.

He taught me to go outside in the world and trust that I am worthy of connection and being together with good people who loved me for who I am, and not for those who wanted something "from" me.

I look back on that moment over 6 years ago and I don't even recognize the person I was. I don't know what my life would be like had I not found what it was like to be together in connection with other people and see that it can be safe.

My openness with my husband and kids are amazing today because of that moment my therapist shared with me. I am more open to love and comfort rather than numbing myself.

yes there are times that I struggle with it from time to time when the past is at the surface, but when those moments come, I am always reminded by the reach out of the finger from my therapist... this is safe, and you are here in the now and you are connected and together with people who love you.

I truly believe that God brings us together with people who can show us what connection is when we are lost. That is what God did for me. He gave me people in my life who are safe who could show me the way to connectedness and togetherness and for that I am blessed.

I am blessed to be on this journey to healing, where togetherness is the key to connectedness.

END